Your relationship with others and your relationship to practice.

I was speaking last night about the three phases of relationships I've had in my life. When I first started teaching in the early 80's most of my relationships were based on thinking about "me". I used to think the way you get things done is through placing yourself in an advantageous position. At that time in my life I spent most of my time creating wins for me; but I'm ashamed to say that I didn't care very much if the other person got a win or not. In those days I had a lot of stress, few friends, and pretty terrible relationships.

By the 90's I had come to realize that the only way for me to win was to create a win for the others. I made every effort to create win/win relationships because I knew that was going to be a key to my own success. While this change was a quantum leap in my life, and did relieve a lot of stress, it still was not the highest level. While my interactions had improved I still wasn't totally happy. I still had falling outs, I still had few friends, and I still knew that something was missing.

The biggest change for me over the last ten years is I've purposely started to look at others differently. I no longer see others as a means to reach my goals; but instead I genuinely try and see them the way I believe the Divine sees them. I try and see the best qualities and sometimes even write them down and take them into my meditation. I look at the people I allow into my dojo and into my life as amazing gifts that came from God; and I am reverent toward them and treat them with the utmost care. I don't set up wins for others so that I can win myself; I set up wins for them because I stand in such admiration for them and who they are; my service to them is the least I can do!

The paradox is that not only are today's relationships pleasant, not only do I have more friends than ever and a wonderful stress free lifestyle; but amazingly my business is blessed too! I've come to the conclusion that I receive blessings when I don't seek them, but try my best to simply give them!

I believe that your relationship with Martial Arts practice should work the same way. When you are focused on what practice will "do" for you they will never reveal their deepest secrets. When you learn to see Martial Arts through the eyes of love; when you do it just for it's own sake, when you try to uplift, improve, contribute, all for the simple fun of being on the mats its at that moment you are on the right course.

When you lose yourself in the practice -without trying to get anything from it- at that moment a flood gate of benefits will flow to you; the confidence you were seeking, the self-defense skills, the fitness and concentration. All will come to you naturally, the way a butterfly might land on your shoulder if your still enough. All good things in the Martial Arts will come to you, not because you chase them, but instead precisely because you do not.