What are you useing for your excuse to feel good?

One of my favorite stories comes from the winter a few years back. At that time my favorite night of the week was Thursday, because on Thursday I would go up to Detroit to train in Sifu Brown's class. You might even say I would look forward to Thursday all week long! One particular week seemed like a pretty long and tough one, and I kept thinking, "If I can just make it to Thursday things are going to be terrific." The whole day I waited in eager anticipation of my class in Detroit.

About 30 minutes before we were scheduled to leave one of the kids said; "Hey, there is something wrong with the ceiling." Sure enough he was right; the ceiling at my home was leaking!... Not just leaking in one small place, but leaking massively in several areas. We started rushing around with buckets, trash cans, and towels, trying to limit the damage. What had happened was that my flat roof home had had the drains in the roofing system improperly installed so that as the 18 inches of snow that was on the roof began to melt it was going into the drain area and then leaking into the house!

At that moment we realized the only choice; to climb on the roof and get the foot or two of snow off otherwise it would end up inside my house! I also realized any chances of going to class in Detroit were completely shot.

I remember being on that roof; so angry and resentful for what I was going through. Realizing that I had to move about 3000 square foot of deep snow off my roof; by hand, and was totally missing my favorite part of the week as a consequence!

My mind kept looking for a way out. This can't be happening; there must be another solution... but no.... there was no solution. The only solution was hours of work in the wet darkness of my roof. There was nothing to do but give up.

But then something wonderful happened. I did give up; and started to ask myself, since there is nothing you can do about the circumstance; is there a way to use this situation to your advantage? I remembered the words of Sifu when he would talk about every situation is either an opportunity to loose balance or an opportunity to practice.

I decided then and there that I was not going to miss my practice that night. My practice was going to be on the roof. Every shovel of snow was going to be part of my training, every lift, every twist of the hips, every breath was going to involve focus, and mindfulness. I was on that roof something like four hours, and I have to say that it turned into one of the best Martial Arts Practices of my life!!

As crazy as this sounds I came down from that roof with a feeling of exhilaration; I was actually glad it happened!! I had used the power of my mind to take a horrible situation and use it to my advantage, and I became a better Martial Artist because of it!

I heard Esther Hicks say one time that everything that happens gives you an excuse; you can either use it as an excuse to feel bad or an excuse to feel good. But if you use something or someone as an excuse to feel bad it's not long before you will hate and resent that person or circumstance. On the other hand if you use that person or event as an excuse to feel good it won't be long before you love them. And love is always better than hate. Love transforms; and if you hold to the concept of love long enough the circumstances around you will even begin to change to match your inner feeling.

I know it's a big pill to swallow (and God knows I'm still working on this myself) but the most important thing to remember is it's not the outside circumstances of our lives that determine our happiness. It's our decision to be happy and find a way to make every event of our life into and excuse for us to feel good. That may be the only lesson a person really needs to learn in life.

Have you ever noticed that one person goes for a run and loves it; but to another running is torture; so you can see it's not the activity itself; it's the way you choose to view it! And you are always the one that's choosing; not an outside force, no one else, only you!

I believe this is what were doing all the time. Making excuses; choices really about how we want to feel based on what is happening around us. We think that if something happens that we "prefer" then that is what is making us happy, but seldom do we realize it was us who made the choice to "prefer". Wisdom teaches us that we can't control the circumstances of our life; but we can control how we choose to view them. So in all cases we are in control or our own happiness!

So the question is: "What are you using as your excuse to feel bad; and what are you using as your choice to feel good?" Either way it's just an excuse; and an excuse is nothing more than a choice.

Congratulations to all fighters!

We just got back from Ground and Pounds fight night held Saturday night. We are incredibly proud of all of our fighters!! We are also proud of the job GPP productions did with the event from top to bottom. Great attitudes, great spirit, and a ton of fun for everyone!!

Here is a rundown of the our competitors and the results:

Dan McMurray: Dan was relaxed and easy the whole day before the fight; confident and poised. Bell rings Dan comes out and it's almost like Dan can't miss. Every shot he throws is accurate and on point. His competitor has great defensive skills, tries to get into a clinch but Dan controls him there too. Towards the end of the first round Dan goes on a run of hitting him with one punch after another and the referee wisely steps in and gives Dan the TKO!

Best Quotes:
Dan's Partner - “**** that guy is so strong!”
Dan's Partner - “I'm so glad your a nice guy cause I would have hated getting beat like that if you were an ass.”

Dan: “You know what fired me up? I looked over there and I saw Dan Kissling, I know Dan's never going to be an MMA fighter, but he came out to support me, that really inspired me, I knew I was going to beat my guy in front of Dan.”

Dan: “Clickity-Click”


Brad Bell: This was Brads first bout ever. Brad came out confident and ready; got caught with a couple nice shots but gave them right back. Brad took his partner down; almost cinched a Kimura, stayed on top and finished by winning a very close round. When Brad got back to the corner we realized he had sustained an eye injury from one of the early shots and had lost vision, we made the decision not let him continue. (Good news is he's just fine now!)

David Blattman: David was the youngest competitor at the event; the only teenager, and very recently turned 18, and this was his first MMA fight. His partner was sharp, skilled and 24. David totally dominated round one with powerful wrestling skills easily taking his partner down almost at will and staying on top almost the whole round. (He was a huge crowd favorite and you could hear the roar every time David picked his guy up and slammed him to the mat!) Unfortunately, in the second round David made a key wrestlers mistake by starting to get up from the mats from all fours – his competitor new exactly what to do and took his opportunity by leaping in and catching David with a beautiful uppercut that finished the match. (This is why we teach “technical lift!!”) In any case David couldn't have got beaten by a more skilled or more humble young man. I think David made a new friend and new training partner!

Best quotes of the match: David Blattman – (On the medics table and still a little foggy) “OK; so when can I fight again? When can I fight again?”

On the day we went one for three. Not all of the results were what they could have been but we couldn't be more proud of our fighters or the people they faced. I called my brother and told him about not only Dan's victory but the losses by Brad and David. He sent me this quote and it gave me chills; I hope every GPP competitor gets to read it.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt, "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
26th president of US (1858 - 1919)

Life's little instructions

I've come to a stage in my life where I judge wisdom from my heart. I don't pay much attention to the credentials of the author, from where the information came, or if the material is popular. What matters most to me is that the teaching brings me joy.

Some would say this document doesn't have anything to do with Martial Arts; I say the principles this list contain are at the exact center of what being a warrior is all about - learning to live a more elegant joy filled life! Don't be fooled by it's humor and ease; there is deep wisdom here if your looking.

Every time I visit my friends Mark and Robin I see this framed document in their home. Every time I see it it never fails to tug gently at my heart. I hope you like it as much as I do.


Life's Little Instructions:

Sing in the Shower
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated
Watch a sunrise at least once a year
Leave the toilet seat in the down position
Never refuse homemade brownies
Strive for excellence not perfection
Plant a tree on your birthday
Learn three clean jokes
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full
Complement three people every day
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone that you love them
Leave everything a little better than you found it
Keep it simple
Think big thoughts bur relish small pleasures
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know
Floss your teeth
Ask for a raise when you feel that you've earned it
Be forgiving of yourself and others
Over-tip breakfast waitresses
Say "thank you" a lot
Say "please" a lot
Avoid negative people
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards
Wear polished shoes
Remember other people's birthdays
Commit yourself to constant improvement
Carry jumper cables in your trunk
Have a firm handshake
Send lots of Valentines Cards; sign them "From someone who thinks your terrific."
Look people in the eye
Be the first to say "Hello"
Use the good silverware
Return all things you borrow
Make new friends but cherish the old ones
Keep secrets
Plant flowers every spring
Have a dog
Always accept an outstretched hand
Stop blaming others
Take responsibility for every area of your life
Wave at kids on school buses
Be there when people need you
Feed a strangers expired parking meter
Don't expect life to be fair
Never underestimate the power of love
Drink champagne for no reason at all
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation
Don't be afraid to say "I made a mistake."
Don't be afraid to say "I don't know."
Compliment even small improvement
Keep your promises; (no matter what)
Marry only for love
Rekindle old friendships
Count your blessings
Call your mother

Remembering our trip to "Team Bundy"

The weekend before last Sempai and I had the honor of going on a visit to our close friend Jim Bundy of "Team Bundy" in Youngstown. We've known Mr. Bundy for years and are very thankful for his friendship and spirit. Jim is a professional MMA fighter and certainly one of the top MMA trainers in the state. He also is a fantastic teacher and does a great job of creating a helping sharing environment in his gym.

He took a lot of time with us and really got specific on the details of several key Jiu Jitsu transitions and techniques. I've included a video him teaching some of they key points of the day; enjoy!


Jim Bundy from Team Bundy; Jiu Jitsu for MMA - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Testing Completed!

On Saturday a group completed their high rank test. The test took the better part of three hours and was pretty comprehensive. I had five students testing for various ranks and fortunately all five made it and were promoted!

I was especially glad to hear each of them read their papers. As a matter of fact I think all five papers were fabulous and from the heart. I left inspired and motivated; I think they left feeling the same...but a little more tired than me!

Some days I wrestle with testing. Since our tests are really hard testing time is unfortunately a time when some students decide to quit. They know that there is a tremendous amount of preparation and training that will have to go into passing one of these tests and some, when they balance the work, with the rest of their lives choose to give up practice instead of taking the test.

In my early days as a teacher I used to worry more about this. I used to think: "If they give up on Martial Arts then they won't be able to get the benefits of practice." In those days the temptation to make the tests easier and easier were strong. But through it all I've noticed something very important. I noticed that no matter how easy you make a test, the student who is not motivated to do the work will work even less!

So today I look at my role differently. I look at my job as a leader, an inspiration, as a facilitator, and realize that I never an responsible for the student "getting the benefits of practice". My job is always to create the right environment, and be the one who encourages the student to aspire to higher levels.

If I'm ever tempted to make a test easier because a student or two quits I will remember the look on the faces of those who passed Saturday. The smiles, the pride, and even a few tears of gratitude will be what I remember. To have a few students who really care, who really want to be good, to me it's worth it!

On Growth and Progress

Today I've been speaking about the process of growth. In Martial Arts (as in everything) students grow by first observing and then experiencing the discomfort of not having. It's this discomfort that leads students to observe, ask questions, practice, and eventually master the new technique. This is the process of learning, and it repeats again and again...forever!

As a practical matter what this means to you is that often when you are not feeling very good about your training you have actually just made progress. It's just that the progress you've made is on a mental level; you now recognize there is something more to learn and you are not yet a match to it. This distance between where you are and where you want to be is what we call discomfort.

Unfortunately we live in a society that for the most part is so focused on “getting” that we don't realize that before any getting there must be “wanting”. It's this wanting that is the cause of our discomfort. It's also this wanting that is calling you to grow.

Much of the Martial Arts world is split on this subject. Some say if you want to relieve the suffering then you must get rid of the wanting. But in my view, if you get rid of the wanting you will indeed get rid of the pain, but you will also get rid of the possibility of growth and expansion. A rock doesn't experience much suffering; but it will never learn to dance either!

I teach my students that there is another way. I believe the way is to make friends with the wanting. To understand that the wanting and the having are just two sides of the same coin, and since this journey will continue forever it makes no sense to be uptight about where you are right now.

The key is focus. In every situation there is that which you want; and that which you don't. ie. I want to be good at kicking; but I have a difficult time with kicks. The trick to using the enormous power of your mind is to spend the bulk of your time, energy, and focus on what you want. In this case I begin to think about the improved technique, I read about it, I study it, I look up Youtube video's about it, I literally become an aficionado of kicking. I may not physically be there just yet; but as I become a fan of kicking, as I study it, as I really becoming an expert in the subject an amazing thing starts to happen - my kicks start to improve! Given enough focus over enough time I'm going to be really good at kicking by keeping my mind where it needs to be.

What's it like when a goal finally happens? One day I notice myself in the mirror and realize I'm really good at kicking. I've gotten really good at this new skill set and I feel the elation of the progress I've made. But then what? How long does that last? It lasts about five minutes and the next thing you know I'm noticing something else that I'm wanting to get good at! No big deal because all I have to do is focus on it and before too long I'll be a match to the new skill and again progress will be made. And all the while even though it looks like I'm learning Martial Art technique what am I really learning? I'm learning to be the creator of my own happiness and growth!

Most have not yet learned to use the above formula. Instead most people fight against the process by putting most of their mental focus into what they do not have. In other words a person realizes he is a weak kicker and then begins to strengthen the position by putting the power of his mind on his deficiencies. He says things like; “I'm not good because of my bad knee.” or “I'm not as young as I used to be.” or “I've never been very coordinated.” etc. ect. All the while this person is not understanding that the only thing that is keeping them from progressing is their attention on their “weakness” instead of disregarding all of that and focusing on the subject they desire.

Remember it's the “reality” of the situation that has caused you to want to grow. But now you don't want the reality; instead you want something that is not currently a part of your reality, and you will soon get it as long as you don't stay stuck focusing on your current truths. You simply have to take your mind off of where it now is and put it on what you want and hold yourself there mentally until you physically can catch up. That's just the way it works in all cases!


When you understand this method of growth you will understand much about my teaching method. I try and create an environment where everyone is friendly, helpful, and caring, but at the same time make it clear that we are not here to provide a “customer service” experience. If a student wants to get good at something we will help them as best as we can, but we will leave the majority of the “work” to the students themselves. In this way the student never becomes dependent on teacher or dojo, but instead learns how to learn. My goal is to facilitate that personal learning by providing the right environment. If the right student is in the right environment; amazing things will happen!

The most powerful word.

Here is a short five minute video. It's one of my favorite mat chats despite being such a simple principle. If more people used this formula I think far more of them would be happy and productive.

I hope it's beneficial to you.